SUCCESS

Success, what is it?

When I achieve my target, my goal, within a definite time-frame, I call it a success.

Good! When do you consider yourselves to be a successful person?

When

Ø I win in competitions

Ø I top the list in exams

Ø I am promoted in career

Ø I am appreciated and acknowledged by people

Ø I earn more and am affluent

Ø I earn name, fame and am recognized by all

Ø I excel in all that I do

Does success depend on what you get from the outside world, like promotions, recognitions and appreciations?

Yes, to a certain extent.

If we keep improving consistently and yet if we don't top the list, does it mean that we are not successful?

Yes, when I lack behind many people, how can I consider myself to be successful? I want to be the first or at least within the top three.

Excellent!! Aiming to be the first is a wonderful way to grow but does it depend on you performing better than others? Does other people’s work decide you being successful in anyway?? Say, ranging from 1-10 (1- poor, 10-best) you have the capacity to reach 9 and others have the capacity of about 7, if you achieve 7 and others get 6, you have been promoted, do you consider yourself successful?

Well, if I top the list and much better than the others, I am successful, am happy 😃.

Let’s think. When I’m capable of something more but just because I have scored more than the others (but less than my capability), am I successful? We initially termed success as “a target achieved” but during the journey of life, we tend to compare ourselves with others and spoil the show.

We do the same comparison with our children, relatives and friends too. Our intentions of our loved ones to excel in everything, is very pure. But we tend to compare their performance with others and criticize them if their growth is comparatively less. Comparison is a threat to success.

What happens when we compare people’s performances?

Ø We focus on the result more than the journey before it.

Ø We tend to either underrate or overrate people, which do not help them in improving consistently.

Ø We may slowly tend to become jealous of the other which is highly dangerous for the self and others.

In this highly competitive world, how else can I be successful?

Success, only and only depends on my target and my own improvement towards it. Every attempt to learn more and improve in my field of interest is a success in every phase. When I’m able to appreciate myself on every small improvement, I grow faster towards my target. Other people never come into picture when one’s success is considered. 

When I keep learning from my mistakes and keep growing, I feel happy with my growth. This further motivates me to perform more. Whatever be the hurdles in my way, I look into only what I can do to overcome those and use my experience for further growth. I believe in my strengths and determination. I don’t give-up until I achieve it. I never look into where and how others are. On the other hand, I’m open to help others in their journey towards their target.

This helps me to learn a lot, not restricted only to my field of interest but expands wider than I can ever imagine.  

 When I learn to grow in this way, I remain happy during my journey towards my goal. Happiness IS NOT only when the goal is achieved but is the journey towards it. I get to know my hidden strengths. I do not compare or compete with anyone. I am free to grow at my pace using my capabilities and creativity. If at all I look at others, it is only from a learning perspective.

Money, name, fame, appreciations and recognitions do not define one’s success. When we desire for such things, in the name of success, we tend to get into the groove of several malpractices like lying, cheating, using easier but wrong ways of getting things done, etc. If our journey towards success is filled with such activities, such a success is worth nothing but worse than a failure.

A few steps on how to move towards your goal

    Understand why and how much the goal is important to you.

Ø Believe that you can do it
Ø Put in your best every time
Ø There will definitely be hurdles in your way, in the form of,

·        difficulty in understanding and implementing

·        people's intervention

·        financial problems

·        health issues and unexpected incidents in life

·        unable to focus or spend more time due to other work, etc

     Ø Take every improvement as a boost to move further with humility

            Ø Take every fall-back as a learning process

            Ø Never ever lose focus, stay determined in what you want to achieve, if that is your priority

            Ø Find ways to solve problems, instead of running away from it

            Ø Keep telling to yourself repeatedly, "I can do it"

            Ø Help others (those who are interested) to grow

            Ø Learn from others mistakes and success stories

Does happiness depend on one’s success??

Never. When we make our happiness dependent on success, our life becomes stressful and miserable. To know where our happiness lies, please click http://a-new-way-of-living.blogspot.in/2016/10/do-you-want-to-be-happy-when-how-often.html

All the best and have a wonderful journey of happiness and enthusiasm. Success will automatically follow you!!!

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TRUST

“Do you trust me??? Do you believe that all information in here, is true???” It is very difficult to trust people these days, almost impossible. Trust has become extremely expensive that it is rarely found. It is so rare that when someone says “I trust him”, people around would be surprised, “What!!! Are you sure that you trust????” 

Are the above statements true???

Is TRUST a strength or a weakness??

In a husband-wife relationship 💑, when I say “I trust you”, what does it mean?

It means that I believe you. Whatever you say or do, I completely believe that it is the truth.

Later, if you get to know that I lied to you, then??

Naturally, I will lose my trust in you. If you have betrayed me, then am I a fool to trust you again?? You cannot take me for granted 😡. I trusted you because I love you. I am honest to you and you should also be the same. If there is no honesty/ transparency in relationships, then what is the use of such a bond??

Well, it is true that all relationships are made of love, understanding, compassion and TRUST. But the mistake we made was, in the understanding of what TRUST is…

TRUST is the complete acceptance of a person, the way she/he is. My TRUST totally depends on my mindset/ my attitude and never on the other person. When I truly trust people, I will be able to understand the reason behind one’s behavior. I will be able to help them and this strengthens my relationships.  

We thought TRUST was when people behave in a way I expect them to be. I create an image of people like “he will always be true, kind, understanding, etc”. Based on our values, we would create an image and expect people to follow the same. If not done, we call it as betrayal and choose not to believe in him/ her any more. We begin to doubt the other and this disease of suspicion spoils the relationship.

No way. Especially in a husband-wife relationship, we need to be true to each other. This is not an expectation. This is the main mandatory quality for the relation to last long.

True. But, “Honesty, sincerity cannot be demanded from others.” We need to accept this truth. Any person would be true, only if he/ she is completely accepted by the other.

Example:

A– Husband,        B- Wife,      X- Ex-girl friend of A

Say, X gifted a bouquet for A’s first marriage anniversary. If the wife B, was a person who would create anger and irritation for anything related to X, would the husband A, have the courage to tell this truth to his wife? Would he not want a happy loving wife on his anniversary? Would he take the risk of speaking the truth when he knows that it would spoil his day?? Is it fair on the wife to get angry and feel betrayed if the husband had lied regarding the gift?

95% of the people are ready to speak the truth, only if they were accepted by others. No one wants to cheat. Can any person be happy and peaceful when he cheats? Will there not be a sense of fear of getting caught, fear of facing the consequences or insecurity??

When we learn to trust people, irrespective of their behavior, we are sowing seeds to strong relationships.

But how is it possible? If my husband had cheated me once, how can I ever believe him again? It is natural to doubt his actions. I fear if he would cheat me again. What is the guarantee that he would not repeat it? If he does so, I am the person who is most affected. How can I accept him blindly?

          If the person (husband) is important, if the relationship is of first priority to us, then the only best way to save the bond is to understand the reason behind his actions and help him to come out of it. TRUST is a strong positive energy which strengthens relationships. DOUBT is a strong negative energy which breaks relationships. We should not create any thought of doubt like “Will he be true this time? He is going out, should I check on him? He has transferred huge money to someone, to whom? Why?” When we speak with an intention of doubt within, we radiate energy of doubt and this is dangerous for the relationship.

We need to believe and also tell the person (husband) that we completely trust him, i.e. accept him with all his positives and negatives. We are there to help him out in all his challenges. With this intention, all our words and actions will radiate love and protection. When we express our trust, it becomes a source of responsibility for the other. When people know that they are being trusted, they are at their best, be it at work or in relationships.

I have a 20 year old girl. We are a happy family. I have loved, accepted and trusted her in all stages of life. Yet, though she knew that we are looking out for an alliance for her, she married a person whom she loved, without our knowledge. Is this not called betrayal?? We are hurt badly and just cannot accept her as our child anymore. God too has betrayed me. Trust hurts!!!! 

          I understand that when children take life changing decisions on their own, without the consent of parents, it is shocking. Parents are children’s best friends at all times. Parent’s intentions are always true and pure. But, we just need check patiently, with an open mind and complete stability as to why it happened. This emotional stability is possible only if we accept the child completely without judging or criticizing her. Trust never hurts people. When we trust, we need to check, “Am I OK if the person whom I trust behaves/ works in a way which I may not feel right?” IF I feel the answer is YES, only then it means that “I trust”. God never betrays. He gives us the knowledge about the good and guides us. All that happens to us in a given moment is the best that can ever happen and all happenings are only due to our karma. To know more about karma, please read http://a-new-way-of-living.blogspot.in/2016/10/my-destiny-my-fate-wish-i-had-it-in-my.html

 I understand trust binds people but does it mean that we blindly need to accept what everyone says and does? No verification or checking needed whatsoever? Then why do we have reviews at work??

When we send our kids to play in someone’s house or to any class should we not check on who are there and various safety measures? Does this mean that we doubt others?

          Trust or complete acceptance is the key for smooth and peaceful relationships. Reviews, verifying if the work is done right are the means to perform our responsibilities. Mistakes do happen at all levels and with all people. No one is perfect. Reviewing means that we accept the mistakes, aim at improving the present condition and learn how to avoid them in future.

Taking safety measures is essential. Being cautious helps prevent accidents. Doubt is when we create thoughts like “Are the people there not safe? Will they misbehave? Are all other kids good? Will they be rude?” Doubt creates fear, restlessness and a small incident will blow our anger and create stress and tension in life.

TRUST is a feeling that

     1.     keeps us very comfortable and peaceful within

     2.     lets people behave/ work the way they feel is right

     3.     enables us to accept and handle mistakes with a positive approach

We often say that people are not trustworthy. There are people who always speak in a way which is far from reality. It is not intentional but that is their habit. Example:

*At work, people would not have started the assignment/ project/ work but they would say that they would finish it soon

*If people are late and have not yet returned home, when we ring-up (call by phone/ mobile), they would say that they are on the way. But they would be at workplace or watching a movie/ serial in someone’s house.

How can we trust such people??

          When we know that people have such habits, it better to accept them their way.  We often term people as “trustworthy”, meaning, he is a reliable person or he is true to his words. Actually, the more we trust people, the more we radiate this energy of trust, the more “trustworthy” they become. It may not be seen soon. But the power of TRUST is so powerful that it helps people to be true towards us. “I TRUST YOU”, when told with complete belief, is a source of power to the other. Let us experiment this energy and see its effects before we believe in it. Never label a person as “cheater or not trustworthy”. The moment we label them so, we start looking at them through this glass and this weakens and spoils work and relationships.

  

TRUST SHOULD BE THE FIRST FEELING TO COME IN A RELATIONSHIP AND THE LAST TO GO, IN FACT SHOULD NEVER GO 😄

REFERENCES: (Please listen to the below, to know more)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ4wlPubEDw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSiOnKQe2VQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4_afEj1Oqw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQO-k1qXNOc

🙏 THANK YOU 🙏

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