“Do
you trust me??? Do you believe that all information in here, is true???” It
is very difficult to trust people these days, almost impossible. Trust has
become extremely expensive that it is rarely found. It is so rare that when
someone says “I trust him”, people around would be surprised, “What!!! Are you
sure that you trust????”
Are
the above statements true???
Is
TRUST a strength or a weakness??
In
a husband-wife relationship 💑, when I say “I trust you”, what does it mean?
It means that
I believe you. Whatever you say or do, I completely believe that it is the
truth.
Later,
if you get to know that I lied to you, then??
Naturally, I
will lose my trust in you. If you have betrayed me, then am I a fool to trust
you again?? You cannot take me for granted 😡. I trusted you because I love you. I
am honest to you and you should also be the same. If there is no honesty/
transparency in relationships, then what is the use of such a bond??
Well,
it is true that all relationships are made of love, understanding, compassion
and TRUST. But the mistake we made was, in the understanding of what TRUST is…
TRUST
is the complete acceptance of a person, the way she/he is. My TRUST totally
depends on my mindset/ my attitude and never on the other person. When I truly
trust people, I will be able to understand the reason behind one’s behavior. I
will be able to help them and this strengthens my relationships.
We
thought TRUST was when people behave in a way I expect them to be. I create an
image of people like “he will always be true, kind, understanding, etc”. Based
on our values, we would create an image and expect people to follow the same.
If not done, we call it as betrayal and choose not to believe in him/ her any
more. We begin to doubt the other and this disease of suspicion spoils the
relationship.
No way.
Especially in a husband-wife relationship, we need to be true to each other.
This is not an expectation. This is the main mandatory quality for the relation
to last long.
True.
But, “Honesty, sincerity cannot be demanded from others.” We need to accept
this truth. Any person would be true, only if he/ she is completely accepted by
the other.
Example:
A–
Husband, B- Wife, X- Ex-girl friend of A
Say,
X gifted a bouquet for A’s first marriage anniversary. If the wife B, was a
person who would create anger and irritation for anything related to X, would
the husband A, have the courage to tell this truth to his wife? Would he not
want a happy loving wife on his anniversary? Would he take the risk of speaking
the truth when he knows that it would spoil his day?? Is it fair on the wife to
get angry and feel betrayed if the husband had lied regarding the gift?
95%
of the people are ready to speak the truth, only if they were accepted by
others. No one wants to cheat. Can any person be happy and peaceful when he
cheats? Will there not be a sense of fear of getting caught, fear of facing the
consequences or insecurity??
But how is it
possible? If my husband had cheated me once, how can I ever believe him again?
It is natural to doubt his actions. I fear if he would cheat me again. What is
the guarantee that he would not repeat it? If he does so, I am the person who
is most affected. How can I accept him blindly?
If the person (husband) is
important, if the relationship is of first priority to us, then the only best
way to save the bond is to understand the reason behind his actions and help
him to come out of it. TRUST is a strong positive energy which strengthens
relationships. DOUBT is a strong negative energy which breaks relationships. We
should not create any thought of doubt like “Will he be true this time? He is
going out, should I check on him? He has transferred huge money to someone, to
whom? Why?” When we speak with an intention of doubt within, we radiate energy
of doubt and this is dangerous for the relationship.
We
need to believe and also tell the person (husband) that we completely trust
him, i.e. accept him with all his positives and negatives. We are there to help
him out in all his challenges. With this intention, all our words and actions
will radiate love and protection. When we express our trust, it becomes a
source of responsibility for the other. When people know that they are being
trusted, they are at their best, be it at work or in relationships.
I have a 20
year old girl. We are a happy family. I have loved, accepted and trusted her in
all stages of life. Yet, though she knew that we are looking out for an
alliance for her, she married a person whom she loved, without our knowledge.
Is this not called betrayal?? We are hurt badly and just cannot accept her as
our child anymore. God too has betrayed me. Trust hurts!!!!
I understand that when children
take life changing decisions on their own, without the consent of parents, it
is shocking. Parents are children’s best friends at all times. Parent’s
intentions are always true and pure. But, we just need check patiently, with an
open mind and complete stability as to why it happened. This emotional
stability is possible only if we accept the child completely without judging or
criticizing her. Trust never hurts people. When we trust, we need to check, “Am
I OK if the person whom I trust behaves/ works in a way which I may not feel
right?” IF I feel the answer is YES, only then it means that “I trust”. God
never betrays. He gives us the knowledge about the good and guides us. All that
happens to us in a given moment is the best that can ever happen and all
happenings are only due to our karma. To know more about karma, please read http://a-new-way-of-living.blogspot.in/2016/10/my-destiny-my-fate-wish-i-had-it-in-my.html
I understand
trust binds people but does it mean that we blindly need to accept what
everyone says and does? No verification or checking needed whatsoever? Then why
do we have reviews at work??
When we send
our kids to play in someone’s house or to any class should we not check on who
are there and various safety measures? Does this mean that we doubt others?
Trust or complete acceptance is
the key for smooth and peaceful relationships. Reviews, verifying if the work
is done right are the means to perform our responsibilities. Mistakes do happen
at all levels and with all people. No one is perfect. Reviewing means that we
accept the mistakes, aim at improving the present condition and learn how to
avoid them in future.
Taking
safety measures is essential. Being cautious helps prevent accidents. Doubt is
when we create thoughts like “Are the people there not safe? Will they
misbehave? Are all other kids good? Will they be rude?” Doubt creates fear,
restlessness and a small incident will blow our anger and create stress and tension in
life.
TRUST
is a feeling that
1. keeps us
very comfortable and peaceful within
2. lets
people behave/ work the way they feel is right
3. enables us
to accept and handle mistakes with a positive approach
We often say
that people are not trustworthy. There are people who always speak in a way
which is far from reality. It is not intentional but that is their habit. Example:
*At work,
people would not have started the assignment/ project/ work but they would say
that they would finish it soon
*If people are
late and have not yet returned home, when we ring-up (call by phone/ mobile), they would say that they
are on the way. But they would be at workplace or watching a movie/ serial in someone’s
house.
How can we
trust such people??
When we know that people have such
habits, it better to accept them their way. We
often term people as “trustworthy”, meaning, he is a reliable person or he is
true to his words. Actually, the more we trust people, the more we radiate this
energy of trust, the more “trustworthy” they become. It may not be seen soon.
But the power of TRUST is so powerful that it helps people to be true towards
us. “I TRUST YOU”, when told with complete belief, is a source of power to
the other. Let us experiment this energy and see its effects before we believe
in it. Never label a person as “cheater or not trustworthy”. The moment we
label them so, we start looking at them through this glass and this weakens and
spoils work and relationships.
TRUST SHOULD BE THE FIRST FEELING TO COME IN A
RELATIONSHIP AND THE LAST TO GO, IN FACT SHOULD NEVER GO 😄
REFERENCES: (Please
listen to the below, to know more)
🙏 THANK
YOU 🙏
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